Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
