ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
