I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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