at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm getting married
To pizza
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
