I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
