he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core