She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
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My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...