Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
