Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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