If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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