I just made out with a guy for $7.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
