You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
