6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
