I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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