They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
