her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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