Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
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I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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