i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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