I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
