I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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