They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
