we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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