At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
