I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
