i was rollin on her like bob the builder
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
just found out that she named her cat after me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
