question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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