You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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