He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
