Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
