Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
