dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
