Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
