just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
