Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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