Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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