We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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