I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
