6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
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Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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