haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
