i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I need to calm my uterus...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
