she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
