Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize