At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
