Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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