It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
