I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize