His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
