six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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