just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
