god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
