Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
