8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
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