foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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