Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize