The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
