I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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