i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
