The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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