Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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