i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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