Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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