just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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