Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
