It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
