whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
