Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
