I'm jealous of your bromance
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We had to coat check the pizza.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
