Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
