wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
