I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize