3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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