Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset