he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
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Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
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It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.