i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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